Leaving.

Leaving was harder than I thought. Twelve days from now, I’ll be leaving Makati. Kahapon, tumambay kami ni DJ sa sea-side ng MOA after we watched Alien Covenant. We were busy taking pictures when I told him, “Bakit mo tinabingi. Wag ganyan, Gom. Dapat ganito.” I then fixed his cap. His facial expression changed and complained, “Eh bakit ikaw, ganyan buhok mo?” I was in a ponytail. He sounded like he hates my bossy-ness. I then replied with, “Mamimiss mo ang pagka-bossy ko ‘pag umuwi na ako.” I smiled sadly.


And that, my friends, was how the mood was ruined. I was still trying to take pictures when he moved a bit, not wanting to talk to me. I was stunned. We were silent for I don’t know how long until my eyes felt warm and tears began pouring down. Nakikisabay sa madilim na langit at pagragasa ng alon sa mga bato. He hugged me, saying that he’s sorry and he’ll just miss me. I cried again, harder.


When he told me we should go, we stood up silently, walked silently until we rode a taxi. And that’s when he covered his face with his cap. When I removed it, he was crying. Only God knows how it broke me. Sabi ko dati, when a man cries for me, that’s the time that I can prove that he really loves me. But seeing him cry only breaks me.


I hate the idea of leaving. It only makes us both miserable. I wonder what the taxi driver was thinking when I was wiping DJ’s tears. Maybe he suspected I was having an affair with some other guy that’s why DJ’s crying and I was the guilty biatch who’s trying to comfort him.


The crying session didn’t end there. When we reached the condo, we lay and cuddle for awhile and we’re both in tears again. What hurt the most was when he spoke with his breaking voice, “Hindi naman mababawasan love ko sa ‘yo. Weekends nga lang ang nilo-look forward ni Daddy (him) kasi uuwi ako rito at makakasama kita.”


I know some might say it’s totally over-dramatic but no one actually knows what it feels like unless you’re in that situation. And it’s obviously heartbreaking if you ask.
How can you leave someone you can’t live without? It’s harder than I thought. But I guess, we shouldn’t let that ruin us both. We’ve been together for two years and a half now. Being apart isn’t new but it’s different now. But we should keep going. And maybe someday, the next time we meet, I won’t say goodbye anymore, nor him. It will be a happily-together-after for us.


I’ll try to get used to weekends without him again. This departure shouldn’t make us weak but stronger. And I know, we’ll figure it out.

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